Fear Factor

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust." Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler And from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler.  You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, Nor of the arrow that flies by day, Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.  A thousand may fall at your side, And ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes shall you look, And see the reward of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. "Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and
I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him.  With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation." Psalm 91:1-16

It was an early (before the crack of dawn) morning last January when I rolled out of bed to get ready for the Missionary Day conference in Santa Ana.  I look forward to attending these every year to get the opportunity to hear what the Lord is doing in the lives of missionaries all over the world and also to always get a word of encouragement from the Lord through them.  I had to be ready to leave the house by 7:15 a.m. so of course to be ready by that time I needed to be up by 6 a.m.  At this time it was still dark but soon to dawn so I turned on the light in my bathroom area to shed light into my room as I made my bed.  I then proceeded to get into the shower and start my normal routine of soaping off and washing my hair.  In my shower routine I would occasionally look out the window above my shower to glance at the sky.  This one morning, as I glanced up, I noticed a round shadow that I couldn’t quite make out what it was as it was just beginning to dawn and with the light on it made it harder to see out. So, I look down thinking “No, it couldn’t be…” and then look back up again and see nothing.  So, I think “I must be seeing things. I’m still groggy, not quite awake yet, blah blah blah…” Then, after a minute or two, I begin scrubbing shampoo into my hair, look up, and realize I’m not just seeing things - there was in fact a man right outside the window looking in!  My reflex reaction:  screaming while hitting the window, pushing the shower door open, and then jumping out like I have never jumped out of the shower before – I was wide awake now!  I shut off the light, grabbed the house phone, scrambling to call 911, and while waiting for them to answer, dialed dad and mom’s house on my cell phone.  With shampoo still in my hair and now running down into my eyes and dripping all over the floor, I stayed away from the windows too afraid to look out in fear of what I might see. The water continued to run in the shower, fogging up the mirrors, as I waited paralyzed in fear on the phone waiting for the operator to tell me that help was at the door.   I felt defenseless and vulnerable; it seemed like eternity waiting for the police or my dad to show up.  Finally, I got a knock on the door and the operator confirmed the police were there and it was okay to open the door.  They looked around the property and in the field behind my house but found no one, just my patio chair sitting out of place directly beneath my shower window with shoeprints on the armrests.  There was nothing they could do but stick around the area for awhile. 

This left me feeling very fearful. The first night after that experience I had my brother sleep over with a baseball bat while I pretty much laid in bed all night listening to every sound around the house with a hammer next to me.  For weeks to come I was fearful to take a shower when it was dark, every shadow cast on my wall was assumed that someone was in the backyard, and I cried myself to sleep a lot of nights.  As time went on my battle with fear became less as I focused in on God’s Word and His promises to me.  Just as the psalmist wrote in the scripture above “His truth shall be your shield and buckler” so the truth of His word that He would never leave me nor forsake me(Hebrews 13:5), that He would command His loving kindness in the daytime and in the night His song shall be with me (Ps. 42:8), that He would be with me in trouble (Ps. 91:15), that He would give His angels charge over me (Ps. 91:11), and that He would make me dwell in safety so I could lie down in peace and sleep (Psalm 4:8) is what got me through.  These promises are what shielded and buckled my mind and heart.  Then, on December 15^th, I was faced with this same fear again as I came home to find my house broken into.  I just lost my grandma a few weeks earlier and was dealing with the loneliness of not having her with me so with all this combined together I am struggling with fear once again.  Is someone watching me? Will this person come back? What was that sound I heard? Did I just see a shadow...? You can drive yourself crazy thinking about such things.  I have to come back to over and over again that someone is watching me:  He is my Creator and Father; He loves me very much; He cares about me more than I could ever imagine; The things that happen to me – He allows; He is my strength when I am weak; He is the one who speaks peace to my heart and comforts me like no one can; He never sleeps; He is my shepherd;  He sees; He knows; He understands my fears; He is my God. 

Fear.  There is good, healthy fear and bad, unhealthy fear.  Good fear produces reverential awe and respect.  For instance, fearing God - not in the respect of being afraid of God, but fearing Him in such a way that you realize He is holy and you have reverence for Him.   On the other hand, bad fear produces stress, terror, anxiety, paranoia, worry, etc, that arises by evil, pain, impending danger, etc.  For instance, some people fear swimming in the ocean in fear that a shark will eat them.  Some people fear flying 30,000 feet above ground in a big, metal, man-made object with wings, in fear of engines failing thus falling through the air and crashing.  Some people fear the dark.  Some people fear roller coasters. Some people fear cancer and sickness.  Some people fear what other people might think of them. Some people fear the thought of losing a loved one.  Some people fear they won’t get that new job, new house, or new car.  Some people fear losing their job, their house, or their car.  Some people fear germs.  Some people fear stepping out in faith. Some people fear snakes.  Some people fear not fitting in.  Some people fear rejection.  Some people fear their own shadow. Some people fear everything.

A few weeks ago as I attended the Missionary Day once again in Santa Ana, I was reminded through one of the missionaries that fear is not of God.  In fact, fear is the opposite of faith. And we know that without faith it is impossible to please the Lord (Hebrews 11:6).  Do I really believe that God is going to take care of me and that He is more than capable to deliver me out of trouble?  Yes.  Am I cured of this fear that continually creeps in? No; I am still a work in progress.  So I will ask –

Lord, would You help me turn this fear around and would You use it to grow my faith? In those moments when fear begins to creep in, would You remind me that I am gathered together in Your arms – the most safest place to be? Would You take my every thought captive so that I may only reflect and meditate on Your love and that You only have plans of good and not evil for me?

What’s your fear?  It says in 2 Tim. 1:7 that “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”  I’ve learned that fear can take you over and cripple you if you let it go too far…don’t let that happen.  I challenge you to draw near to God and to His Word and He, in turn, will draw near to you (James 4:8).  When the voice of fear comes into your mind choose instead to listen to the voice of Jesus who says:

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27)