So This is Love?

The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying:
“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you. Jeremiah 31:3

 

His eyes meet hers as the expression on his face says he’s never seen anything more beautiful than her. She is then swept across the ballroom floor like a light feather and then ushered for a stroll over a moonlit bridge as soft smiles and glances are exchanged and butterflies are felt.  He reaches for her soft, dainty-gloved hand as he whispers in her ear how he feels he’s known her for all his life and then says a gentle “I love you”.  He then tells her how he has a kingdom waiting for her and she just needs to say yes and then…fast forward to about 10 years later on Valentine’s Day when he has flowers delivered to her and her reaction is “(Smug look) Oh, that’s nice, where do I sign?”  This, ladies and gentlemen, was the majority of responses when delivering big, expensive, beautiful bouquets, soft teddy bears, and chocolates on my Valentine’s Day route.

I drove up to the florist last Thursday morning and watched as men of all ages, sizes, shapes, and colors, some in business suits, some in sweats, some in construction uniforms but all there for the same purpose - to get special surprises for the loves of their lives.  I stood there and thought “Wow, it’s 8:15 a.m. and these men actually physically went out of their way to stop and spend lots of money using thought and care to display an act of love.”  Love was in the air and I sighed as I loaded bouquets and gifts into my car anticipating the reaction I would see from the recipients. 

First stop: a local restaurant.

Recipient: an employee. 

Me: “Are you ______?” 

Recipient: “Yes, that’s me” (no smile)

Me: (Smiling) “This delivery is for you – Happy Valentine’s Day! (still smiling)

Recipient: “Just set them here. (still not smiling while co-workers in the kitchen are clapping and whistling) “Where do I sign?” (aaaaaaand, still not smiling). 

I walked away thinking “Gosh, what a spoiled woman! What – did he not pick out the flowers you have told him on multiple occasions that you liked?  Are you upset because you would rather of had the money instead of the flowers? Or, is this just a routine thing that happens every year and you just expect it?  I was a little bothered with the lack of excitement but thought surely the next reactions would not be like this…but I was disappointed again and again and again. 

As I was driving around and pondering the lame reactions I began thinking about the love of God and how it never grows cold towards us.  He knows us outwardly;  He wove us together, He knows the very number of hairs on our head, He knows each dimple, freckle, and birthmark, He bottles each tear that falls, and He even has a book of remembrance for each time we talk of Him.  He knows us inwardly; the thoughts we think, the words we are going to say before we say them, our fears, our desires, our hurts, and the things that make us happy or sad.  On top of all of that, in spite of us and falling short every day, He is constantly in love with us.  He tells us “Yes, I have loved you with an EVERLASTING love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you” (Jeremiah 31:3) and nothing can ever separate you from My love (Romans 8:38-39).  As I thought about this, I turned the table and began thinking about me. Has my love for Him grown dull or cold or routine towards Him? When I go to spend time with Him – do I anticipate that time? When I wake up in the morning and He greets me faithfully spinning the earth on its axis with the sun on the horizon and flowers outside my bedroom window – am I desensitized and look at it as a normality or do I stop and ponder how wonderful He is and how He loves me so?  Every single day – God puts thought into our lives and gives us gifts as He walks with us throughout the day - we could see them only if we would just stop and actually receive them.  Imagine hearing a story of a man who steps in front of his bride and takes a bullet straight to the heart and dies so that his bride could live.  It would be noticed, it would be talked about on the news, and the bride, she would grasp the knowledge that her groom loved her and it would have a lasting impact on her life.  Jesus willingly sacrificed His life for us.  He left the perfection of heaven for us and stepped into this gross, imperfect world out of His love.  He gave us beautiful love letters in His Word for us to treasure and learn of Him, pouring meaning and life into our lives.  Ponder this. Grasp this.

Don’t let your love grow cold with the Lord or with those in your life. Don’t let life become routine. And ladies, do me a favor, if your man sends you flowers be excited and thankful that he thought about you.  You don’t have to scream and faint in excitement , just smile, like this à J

Weep With Those Who Weep

“…weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15b

Yesterday I got a whole different outlook on what it means to weep with those who weep.  It began the day before as I came home to a sinking foundation around my pool and water gushing out of the heating system (cold weather repercussions I guess).  Anyways, it’s added pressure that I didn’t want to deal with especially with the fact that my home warranty had expired last August and I didn’t have coverage. Fortunately, I was able to renew it and begin the claim yesterday.  I woke up this yesterday though feeling overwhelmed at the added expense of it and the continued unknown of what God is presently doing in my life. The pressures of this life, my life, building up inside broke out in a meltdown of tears while getting ready for work, which by the way made it very difficult to get mascara on.  The day progressed with more pain when I dropped a 20 pound box on my face at work as I was lifting it to a higher shelf.  Despite the pain and thinking I had broken cheek bones and a broken nose, I couldn’t help but get a smile out of it when I saw my lipstick smeared on the box and dirt marks on my face. However, I survived the work day and headed home desperately needing a hug, having a deep desire to crawl into bed with a 3 pound bag of peanut M&M’s, fall asleep, and not think. But, I couldn’t do that – I had big girl duties to do!  First things first, I had to call and make the claim on the pool.  So, I picked up the phone and dialed to talk to an automated, fake person who I had to repeat my “yes” answer 3 times and my issue at hand four times until I wised up and pushed “0” to talk to a real person.  The lady quickly and efficiently took all my information down and in the middle of the conversation said “I hope I’m not being too personal with you, but are you okay?”  Apparently, she could hear the quiver in my voice and my sniffles. I proceeded to tell her what a great way this was to start a new year out – just kidding – but, I did tell her how I’ve been going through some things and this was just another thing to add to the pile.  Our conversation continued and then something happened…she started to cry with me.  She didn’t offer me words of wisdom, an “I’ll pray for you” statement, or Romans 8:28…she just started to cry with me…in fact, she trembled so much in her voice that she was having trouble repeating the confirmation information back to me.  I instantly felt the heart of Jesus through this woman and saw Him weeping with me. I was so shocked at the kindness this stranger gave me that by the time I hung up, I knew I had been hugged by the Lord through her. 

When you cry with someone it shows that your heart has been touched so much that it has disrupted and impacted your world with sympathy for that person.  I think so many times we try to find words to heal a heart or fix a situation when words are sometimes not needed.  After the call, the Lord reminded me how ever-present He is in my life as He chose to use a stranger to reveal His heart toward me…His heart of compassion, understanding, and concern for the things that concern me.

“The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart” Ps. 34:18

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Ps. 147:3

Yesterday a home warranty woman cried with me – not a family member or a friend but a home warranty woman, a stranger.  When was the last time you cried with someone who was crying?  Does seeing someone else hurt move your heart towards compassion? Does your heart break for the things that break the Lord’s heart?

Busted Open

“…and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, “Take, eat; this is My body which is broken for you; do this in remembrance of Me.” 1 Corinthians 11:24

Piñata, piñata, PIÑATA!!!...I find that to be a fun word to say. J  A couple of weeks ago I was at a friend’s birthday party, watching the festivity of blindfolded kids, young and old, getting their turns at hitting the piñata.  As I was watching that beautifully put together piñata, roped up, and swinging around, being hit by the bat, I stood there and thought “Hey, I feel like that piñata”.  Have you ever felt like one?  You just lost your job – POW!!!  Your wife disrespected you – BAM!!! Your boss belittled you – SMASH!!! Your car got totaled – POW!!!  Your husband cheated on you – SMASH!!! Your water heater busted and flooded the house – BAM!!!  Your teenager is on drugs – POW!!!  You get a zillion dollar medical bill in the mail that your insurance didn’t cover – SMASH!!! You didn’t get that promotion you really wanted – BAM!!! You were just diagnosed with cancer – SMASH!!!  Your best friend betrayed you – POW!!!  With each blow of the bat against the piñata, it swings around and around, higher and higher and gets hit repeatedly until it breaks open and…PRAISE JESUS!!! Everything heavenly sweet and wonderful comes spilling out!  I don’t know if anyone can relate or see where I’m going with this, but I felt like the Lord was showing me that the blows are not for no good reason - just to get beat and busted open – but the blows are in fact for the purpose of sweetness to spill out.  

This makes me think about Jesus.  Jesus was beat and whipped to the point where He couldn’t be recognized as His flesh was bruised, torn, and busted open. He was then roped up and nailed to a cross as His accusers stood by repeatedly mocking Him.  And as Jesus cried out, committing His Spirit to His Father, He breathed His last.  Then, as the final blow of the spear was thrust into His heart, out came spilling blood and water…O, divine sweetness of conquered sin, O sweet forgiveness!

Though you and I will never have to come close to what Jesus endured, we need to remember Him as we face blows in this life.  We need to remember that we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us and sweetness will come out of it.

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You've called me out of death
You've called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I'm reconciled

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

-Jeremy Riddle

Stepping into the Unknown

“By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance.  And he went out, not knowing where he was going.” Hebrews 11:8

On May 23^rd, 2012, the Lord completed my time at Calvary Chapel Adelanto/Victor Valley and now has a new beginning for me.  I ask that you pray for me as I begin this new journey and step out in faith not knowing where I’m going.  My faith is knowing that just as God’s presence moved in the cloud by day and the fire by night with the children of Israel following, so I realize that as God goes before me I will follow, knowing that I will never arrive at a place where God has not first preceded and prepared just for me. 

As I look back over these past 7 ½ years of serving at Calvary Chapel Adelanto/Victor Valley the best way to sum it up would be seeing it as boot camp – for this is where I got intensely trained.  In the spiritual sense I had muscles stretched, exercised, and formed that I never knew existed.  There has been blood (from several paper cuts ;) ), sweat, and tears put into this training time.  When I started there on August 12, 2004 with the expectation of full time ministry, little did I understand that as a child of God and follower of Jesus Christ that full time ministry began the moment I surrendered my life to Him.  Because, when Jesus calls someone to surrender to Him by leaving their old life, He then bids them to come and follow Him and from that point our lives are to be full time ministry.  My problem was I was given the perception that full time ministry was dedicating your life working at church – this perception was so wrong.  You see, God calls you and me no matter where we’re at or what we’re doing to be busy about in “full time ministry” of living out the gospel – the Good News – of Jesus Christ.  Are you a stay at home wife and mother?  You’re in full time ministry.  Are you on duty in the military?  You’re in full time ministry.  Are you in prison?  You’re in full time ministry.  Are you a worker at Wal-mart?  You’re in full time ministry.  Are you a police officer?  You’re in full time ministry.  Are you a student in school?  You’re in full time ministry.  Are you retired? You’re in full time ministry.  Are you confined to bed with sickness?  You’re in full time ministry.  Are you elderly?  You’re in full time ministry.  Are you single?  You’re in full time ministry.  Wherever you’re at, whatever circumstances you find yourself in DO NOT dictate who you are in Christ and the life of ministry He’s called you to live for Him.  I’m going to go one step further…your identity can’t even be found in ministry – your identity has to be found in Christ alone.  So, with that said, I’m letting everyone know that I’m not walking away from ministry but I’m continuing on with my ministry.

It says in Hebrews 11:6 “But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” I’m here to testify to all of you that God is very real.  Just in the past couple of years in the midst of my grandpa drowning in my swimming pool; to my grandma passing a year and a half later; to being robbed; to going through a loss of relationship; to now losing my job - He has proven to be there with me every step of the way and has showed me that even with these people and things taken away from me that He is still everything.  I have judged Him faithful in every circumstance I’ve had to endure and I believe that He will continue to be faithful.  Everything is ordered by Him and even though I don’t understand why He allows some things to happen, I must say it is well with my soul knowing that He is full control.  I’m not going to lie - I get terrified sometimes and overwhelmed with the unknown…yes, people I’m human!  I can easily chant “I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful!  I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful!” and then moments later feel so crazy overwhelmed in my head that I want to drive myself to the hospital and get pumped up with drugs just so I can stop thinking.  In moments like this I must “run with endurance the race that is set before (me), LOOKING UNTO JESUS, the author and finisher of (my) faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1-2).  Just the thought alone of Jesus sitting this very moment next to God interceding for me brings so much comfort!  I also have to thank all of you who have already been flooding heaven with prayers for me – I am in awe of your love and support.

To the One who alone is wise, all-knowing, and perfect in all His ways, my life is completely surrendered to His plan and I turn my eyes forward, walking hand in hand with Jesus as I step into the unknown.

What is that to You?

So Peter seeing him said to Jesus, "Lord, and what about this man?"  Jesus said to him, "If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!" 

John 21:21-23

   < -------- Hi-eeeeeeeeeeee! Yep, it’s me - all excited and ready to get a cake decorated in class!  I had been anticipating it all week long to see what kind of “awwwww-ing” masterpiece I was going to be able to create - you know, the kind of masterpiece you want to show off and be proud of?  Well, my dream turned into a nightmare as I began taking my eyes off of what I was doing and looking over at a fellow classmate’s project.  Let me give you a little background on my fellow classmate…since day 1 of cake decorating class, and to be a little more specific “Wilton’s Decorating Basics” class (ahem, pay very close attention to the word “basics”), she has come in with pictures of some really amazing decorated cakes that she had done and did so well that I couldn’t understand why she was in “this” class - you know, the “basics” class.  The basics class is meant for lil’ ol’ people like me who know zilch about what they’re doing and need to be educated.  Anyways, very sweet lady and I have nothing personal against her (except the fact that her skills are better than mine – just kidding! Okay, no I’m not…just being real here, sorry :/ ) but I just can’t understand why she is in this class!  I wonder...does she travel around just for kicks and sign up for all of the Wilton’s Decorating Basics classes just to make other students feel crappy or what?  Is she like a secretive cake decorating villain with a passion to intimidate others to give up on their hopes and dreams of decorating cakes???!

So, getting back to my cake…everything started out great...really, it did!  My buddy, Lisa, made the fabulous red velvet cake and I made the cream cheese frosting.  The problem began though when the frosting didn’t crust fast enough to smooth it out and make the decorating more easy – the consistency should have been more thick – mistake #1.  Alas, as I waited for it to crust, my eyes started drifting over to Miss “Grade A” student aka “Cake Decorating Villain” and the praise she was receiving from the instructor – mistake #2.  Instead of keeping my eyes on what I was supposed to be doing I began to compare my project to hers thus getting intimidated and being concerned about her project.  Let me show you the results of that:  

                                                                

        Her masterpiece...                                                                                       

                     My disaster...

                            

I was soooooo disappointed and soooooo embarrassed I didn’t even want to be seen exiting Hobby Lobby with this in my hands!  What made it worse is when I dropped it off at my parent’s house (because I knew my brother would it eat)  and my mom thought my icing decoration on top was a fat man until I told her “No, mom, it’s a cupcake”.

So, I’m thinking things like: “ I’M A FAILURE!”  “Why can’t I have done a beautiful job like the other lady?” “How does she make it look so easy?”

Then, a man came to mind from the Bible by the name of Peter and a time when he was found comparing himself to someone else.  And what did Jesus say to him?... “What is that to you? You follow Me!”   So Jesus says to me “Don’t worry about the other person…don’t concern yourself with what they're doing – it’s none of your business! Don’t compare yourself or envy the outcome of someone else – you be focused on what I’ve called you to do.

It is so easy to get our focus on other people and what other people are doing and to start comparing our lives to theirs especially when it seems like their lives are more exciting, bigger, and better than ours.  Are you a stay at home mom comparing yourself to the successful, educated woman in the workforce? Are you one to compare your body to the model on the cover of a magazine? Are you a single person comparing yourself to your “happy” married friend’s life?  Are you a married person comparing yourself to your “happy” single friend’s life?  Are you comparing your house to someone else’s house?  Are you comparing your life trials with someone whose life seems uninterrupted by trials? - DON’T!  When we compare we begin thinking we’re failures; we get discouraged; envy and jealousy creep in; and, we try to be someone God didn’t create us to be.

God made only one me.  God made only one you.  He has a special, specific calling on each and every one of our lives.  Don’t waste time looking at and comparing yourself to every person around you…keep your eyes looking unto Jesus (Hebrews 12:2) and His perfect plan for you!

You can’t have your cake and eat it!   < --------See what I did there ;)

God Means it for Good

Then he dreamed still another dream and told it to his brothers, and said, "Look, I have dreamed another dream. And this time, the sun, the moon, and the eleven stars bowed down to me."… So it came to pass, when Joseph had come to his brothers, that they stripped Joseph of his tunic, the tunic of many colors that was on him. Then they took him and cast him into a pit. And the pit was empty; there was no water in it. And they sat down to eat a meal. Then they lifted their eyes and looked, and there was a company of Ishmaelites, coming from Gilead with their camels, bearing spices, balm, and myrrh, on their way to carry them down to Egypt. So Judah said to his brothers, "What profit is there if we kill our brother and conceal his blood? Come and let us sell him to the Ishmaelites, and let not our hand be upon him, for he is our brother and our flesh." And his brothers listened. Then Midianite traders passed by; so the brothers pulled Joseph up and lifted him out of the pit, and sold him to the Ishmaelites for twenty shekels of silver. (After some time has passed) ….Joseph said to them,"Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.

Gen 37:9, 23-28; 50:19-20

When things seem all wrong in our lives and literally nothing is going right, it’s funny how when we hear a verse like Rom 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose” – it seems so cliché especially when it comes from a smiley faced person who seems to never have anything wrong going on in their world.  It’s like:  if I hear someone tell me that verse one more time I’m going to scream because I can’t possibly see what good is coming out of this one.  For example…try telling that to the mother and father who just lost a child.  Try telling that to the man who got falsely accused and thrown into jail.  Try telling that to a 12 year girl who is used as a sex slave multiple times in a day to put money in somebody else’s pocket.  Try telling that to the man who works hard to take care of his family and just lost his job.  Try telling that to those that are starving so much that the only thing covering their bones is their skin.  Try telling that to a family whose home just got swept up into a tornado.  Try telling that to the woman who is told she can’t have any children.  Try telling that to the child who is repeatedly beat up and locked into a closet. Try telling that to the wife going to bed alone because her husband has left her for another woman. Try telling it.  We may or may not have gone through these particular things but at some point we may encounter such a difficult time where we go around trying to make sense out of what’s going on in our lives and wonder what God could possibly be doing.  Does He really care about little ol’ me – one individual in the midst of 7 billion?  Can He really be working out these circumstances for my good?

The problem is we can only see what’s in front of us.  We are staring it in the face. We don’t understand it.  It doesn’t make any sense. We struggle in it.  Our hearts hurt.  We question why God would allow it.  But, then we remember - as a child of God, we have hope knowing that God sees the whole picture from beginning to end.  He understands it.  He can make sense out of it.  He says surrender the struggle to Him.  He pieces back the shattered pieces of our hearts.  He will bring the answer you need. 

When we start sorting through the fog and focus our attention on the Lord, remembering truly in our hearts that He is good and everything He does and allows is good (even though it may not seem that way at the moment) we find that place of rest.  Imagine Joseph, a young man with his whole life ahead of him.  The Lord was giving him dreams about how his life was going to be with his brothers bowing down to him. Then, not long after, Joseph found himself cast into a pit, sold as a slave by his brothers, accused of seducing Potiphar’s wife, thrown into prison, and forgotten about for two years …how could God possibly be fulfilling his dreams through this?  I’m sure at some point Joseph felt like his life was turned upside down as he couldn’t see just yet what God was doing.  The things happening to him were, yes, bad things but as we see some time later God turned all those things that were meant for evil to good.  God used everything that happened in Joseph’s life to bring about His perfect plan.

God works everything together for our good.  That doesn’t necessarily mean the things happening to us are “good”- sometimes they can be very tragic - but God can make beauty out of ashes (Isaiah 61:3).  He takes the things that the enemy can intend for evil in our lives and He can turn it around to be good.  Ashes have to be made before God can miraculously turn them into something beautiful.  He is taking the difficulties and working in us, refining us, and showing us amazing things we would have never seen unless we went through them thus building our faith even more. 

When we are being pushed over the edge of a skyscraper, God is our hero who sweeps in to catch us, saving the day at the exact and perfect timing.  He is the One who reveals the deep, secret things (Daniel 2:22) in due time.  Don’t lean on your own understanding because you can’t understand; choose to trust Him with all of your heart (Proverbs 3:5).  Just as Joseph had his day when He finally got to see God’s plan unfold and his past turmoil now made sense, so will we be able to one day look back and see that God had a plan all along.  You never know, maybe what you’ve been through or are presently going through will scream hope and salvation into someone else’s life.

I lay my "whys?" 

before Your cross

in worship kneeling,

my mind beyond all hope,

my heart beyond all feeling;

and worshipping,

realize that I 

in knowing You,

don't need a "why?" - Ruth Bell Graham

Fear Factor

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust." Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler And from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, And under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler.  You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, Nor of the arrow that flies by day, Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.  A thousand may fall at your side, And ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes shall you look, And see the reward of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, Even the Most High, your dwelling place, No evil shall befall you, Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; For He shall give His angels charge over you, To keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra, The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. "Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and
I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him.  With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation." Psalm 91:1-16

It was an early (before the crack of dawn) morning last January when I rolled out of bed to get ready for the Missionary Day conference in Santa Ana.  I look forward to attending these every year to get the opportunity to hear what the Lord is doing in the lives of missionaries all over the world and also to always get a word of encouragement from the Lord through them.  I had to be ready to leave the house by 7:15 a.m. so of course to be ready by that time I needed to be up by 6 a.m.  At this time it was still dark but soon to dawn so I turned on the light in my bathroom area to shed light into my room as I made my bed.  I then proceeded to get into the shower and start my normal routine of soaping off and washing my hair.  In my shower routine I would occasionally look out the window above my shower to glance at the sky.  This one morning, as I glanced up, I noticed a round shadow that I couldn’t quite make out what it was as it was just beginning to dawn and with the light on it made it harder to see out. So, I look down thinking “No, it couldn’t be…” and then look back up again and see nothing.  So, I think “I must be seeing things. I’m still groggy, not quite awake yet, blah blah blah…” Then, after a minute or two, I begin scrubbing shampoo into my hair, look up, and realize I’m not just seeing things - there was in fact a man right outside the window looking in!  My reflex reaction:  screaming while hitting the window, pushing the shower door open, and then jumping out like I have never jumped out of the shower before – I was wide awake now!  I shut off the light, grabbed the house phone, scrambling to call 911, and while waiting for them to answer, dialed dad and mom’s house on my cell phone.  With shampoo still in my hair and now running down into my eyes and dripping all over the floor, I stayed away from the windows too afraid to look out in fear of what I might see. The water continued to run in the shower, fogging up the mirrors, as I waited paralyzed in fear on the phone waiting for the operator to tell me that help was at the door.   I felt defenseless and vulnerable; it seemed like eternity waiting for the police or my dad to show up.  Finally, I got a knock on the door and the operator confirmed the police were there and it was okay to open the door.  They looked around the property and in the field behind my house but found no one, just my patio chair sitting out of place directly beneath my shower window with shoeprints on the armrests.  There was nothing they could do but stick around the area for awhile. 

This left me feeling very fearful. The first night after that experience I had my brother sleep over with a baseball bat while I pretty much laid in bed all night listening to every sound around the house with a hammer next to me.  For weeks to come I was fearful to take a shower when it was dark, every shadow cast on my wall was assumed that someone was in the backyard, and I cried myself to sleep a lot of nights.  As time went on my battle with fear became less as I focused in on God’s Word and His promises to me.  Just as the psalmist wrote in the scripture above “His truth shall be your shield and buckler” so the truth of His word that He would never leave me nor forsake me(Hebrews 13:5), that He would command His loving kindness in the daytime and in the night His song shall be with me (Ps. 42:8), that He would be with me in trouble (Ps. 91:15), that He would give His angels charge over me (Ps. 91:11), and that He would make me dwell in safety so I could lie down in peace and sleep (Psalm 4:8) is what got me through.  These promises are what shielded and buckled my mind and heart.  Then, on December 15^th, I was faced with this same fear again as I came home to find my house broken into.  I just lost my grandma a few weeks earlier and was dealing with the loneliness of not having her with me so with all this combined together I am struggling with fear once again.  Is someone watching me? Will this person come back? What was that sound I heard? Did I just see a shadow...? You can drive yourself crazy thinking about such things.  I have to come back to over and over again that someone is watching me:  He is my Creator and Father; He loves me very much; He cares about me more than I could ever imagine; The things that happen to me – He allows; He is my strength when I am weak; He is the one who speaks peace to my heart and comforts me like no one can; He never sleeps; He is my shepherd;  He sees; He knows; He understands my fears; He is my God. 

Fear.  There is good, healthy fear and bad, unhealthy fear.  Good fear produces reverential awe and respect.  For instance, fearing God - not in the respect of being afraid of God, but fearing Him in such a way that you realize He is holy and you have reverence for Him.   On the other hand, bad fear produces stress, terror, anxiety, paranoia, worry, etc, that arises by evil, pain, impending danger, etc.  For instance, some people fear swimming in the ocean in fear that a shark will eat them.  Some people fear flying 30,000 feet above ground in a big, metal, man-made object with wings, in fear of engines failing thus falling through the air and crashing.  Some people fear the dark.  Some people fear roller coasters. Some people fear cancer and sickness.  Some people fear what other people might think of them. Some people fear the thought of losing a loved one.  Some people fear they won’t get that new job, new house, or new car.  Some people fear losing their job, their house, or their car.  Some people fear germs.  Some people fear stepping out in faith. Some people fear snakes.  Some people fear not fitting in.  Some people fear rejection.  Some people fear their own shadow. Some people fear everything.

A few weeks ago as I attended the Missionary Day once again in Santa Ana, I was reminded through one of the missionaries that fear is not of God.  In fact, fear is the opposite of faith. And we know that without faith it is impossible to please the Lord (Hebrews 11:6).  Do I really believe that God is going to take care of me and that He is more than capable to deliver me out of trouble?  Yes.  Am I cured of this fear that continually creeps in? No; I am still a work in progress.  So I will ask –

Lord, would You help me turn this fear around and would You use it to grow my faith? In those moments when fear begins to creep in, would You remind me that I am gathered together in Your arms – the most safest place to be? Would You take my every thought captive so that I may only reflect and meditate on Your love and that You only have plans of good and not evil for me?

What’s your fear?  It says in 2 Tim. 1:7 that “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”  I’ve learned that fear can take you over and cripple you if you let it go too far…don’t let that happen.  I challenge you to draw near to God and to His Word and He, in turn, will draw near to you (James 4:8).  When the voice of fear comes into your mind choose instead to listen to the voice of Jesus who says:

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27)